In honor of Valentine’s Day, here’s some sage relationship advice. “To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, When you're wrong, admit it; When you're right, shut up.” Ogden Nash
In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul teaches, “Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you because you belong to Christ, (TLB.)
I bring copies of this to every relationship class I teach. It deserves a slow read:
20% Mess Up Factor
What is the 20% mess up factor? It’s pretty straightforward. Everyone in your particular family, work, or friendship system gets to “mess up” 20% of the time without criticism, shame, blame, belittling, anger, rage, or subtle words of correction from you. This goes for yourself, especially. So you get to be late 20% of the time, spill your milk 20% of the time, leave the lights on 20% of the time, forget return a phone call 20% of the time, let you house be dirty 20% of the time, not have dinner ready on schedule 20% of the time, be late for the play or concert 20% of the time and act stupid 20% of the time.
The sad thing is that I have seen folks who won’t admit they mess up, so they won’t show grace to those around them. Then their “mess up” becomes being judgmental and unforgiving, right?
We have to ask ourselves, “Does this action or lack of action warrant this much attention in my mind, space in my head, or energy in my psyche that I am giving it? Twenty years from now will this matter at all. If he/she was dead and gone, how important would this be?”
Continue to question yourself, “How many times have I screwed up? How grateful and I that those who loved me, didn’t give up on me and throw me away?”
If we focus on what’s right about our spouse and not what’s wrong not only will they be happier, we will too as we get the good brain juju that living in gratitude produces.
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