This year for my Valentine’s Day posts, I’m finding great input from relationship expert, Dr. John Gottman the co-founder of what has been deemed “The Love Lab.” Here he has observed couples’ common interactions for over twenty years. He states that one of the best ways to determine whether a marriage will make it or not is how they interact in little ways, how they respond to each other’s “bids” for attention.
Gottman explains that each day in subtle and innocuous ways partner’s bid for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support. (See our Answer From Mom and Dad Facebook post for an example.) If a wife ignores her husband’s comment in favor of her Facebook fetish, or if a husband can’t be bothered by his wife’s conversation, the couple will miss great opportunities to connect. But if they “turn toward” each other and offer a favorable response to these bids, this can provide building blocks for lasting intimacy in marriage. (1 Corinthians 13),
Give you spouse a gift this year of respecting and loving him or her enough to respond with kindness and love as they seek your attention. And consider yourself blessed that they want too!