In honor of Valentine's Day, I have some relationship insight in this post.When we fall in love, we expect the same bliss we experienced when we were courting to last forever. Then she finds herself disheartened this knight in shining armor now leaves the toilet seat up.
He is discouraged when the woman who was a moth to his flame now attracts them by leaving every light on in the house, no matter how many times he tell her to turn them off. He thinks she just doesn't care enough to listen.
Every marriage needs a healthy dose of forgiveness…on a regular basis.
There are identified stages of relationships.
Romantic stage: In which we vow to spend the rest of our lives gazing into each other's eyes, hanging on each other's every word, and laughing hysterically at each other's jokes. We impart only noble and good motives to your spouse.
Then we hit the Power Struggle and don't understand this sudden change. We think, "I married this person to meet my needs, so why isn't he/she?" The person you thought was terrific, you now vilify and impart evil motives to their actions.
She says, "Not only does he not meet my needs, he doesn't even listen to what they are. He won't talk to me. He just stares at that TV. That remote gets held more than I do."
He says, "Night and day she talks. It's an endless stream of words and honey-dos. She must lie awake at night to think of things for me to do." Then he vows to join the ranks of the late Rodney Dangerfield, who says he's not going to get married again. He's just going to find a woman he hates and buy her a house!
The reality is that two capable, intelligent, spiritual people get together, and life happens. She is not the moth to his flame, nor is she Satan's sister lying awake nights trying thinking of jobs for him to do. He isn't her knight in shining , nor is he the devil himself put on this earth to intentionally ignore her because he knows it hurts. They are both humans, mere mortals, now with a mortgage, two and a half kids…one in diapers …one with learning disabilities…and they will both grow into teenagers. Then it's God help us all!
The challenges that marriage presents can be an incredible crucible to grind off our rough edges, give us patience and grace, and make us more like Jesus. As one marriage guru said, "Marriage is designed to grind!"
We get there as we FLAVOR THE MARRIAGE WITH FORGIVENESS. Let your spouse be a human and exercise mercy just like Jesus did for you. And before your patience runs out, ask the Holy Spirit to love through you. He will, and everyone, including you, will benefit.
I'm not instructing you to be codependent, and put up with abuse and damage. There are deal breakers.
If he's drinking his paycheck;
She's gambling away the grocery money;
If he is snorting your retirement up his nose;
If he or she is beating the kids or grinding away their self-respect with verbal putdowns;
These are deal breakers.
But if he didn't sweep the leaves off the deck…again
If she is late getting dinner on the table... again
If he watched three games on the weekend instead of only two…
If she hit the 7-Eleven to buy milk instead of getting it cheaper at the supermarket…
These require that we exercise our forgivers.
You may think I am asking the impossible. But not with the power of the Holy Spirit in us. We may be angry, but when we surrender our right to be mad, the Holy Spirit's fruit can flourish within us. We will find ourselves patient and forgiving, despite ourselves!
Ephesians 4:31-32 reads, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." New Living Translation.
I can't do any of the above without God's help! So, I'll ask for it and get out of the Holy Spirit's way.