“Accepting full responsibility for our actions, including our emotional responses and our actions to life's situations, is a step toward true human maturity. However, our tendency to blame our responses on other people or things is as old as Adam and Eve. Maybe you grew up as a blamer with statements like, "You made me so mad." "You had it coming." "You did the same the same thing to me." "I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine." We learned to explain away our failures on the grounds that we did not have the right materials to work with, or we even pleaded that "our stars were not in proper alignment; the moon was not in the right house."
The essential sadness is that blamers are not in contact with reality. As a result, they do not get to know themselves, and they don't mature. They don't grow. It is a fact of life: GROWTH BEGINS WHERE BLAMING ENDS. The opposite of blaming is accepting full responsibility for our lives and becoming an OWNER, NOT A BLAMER. Owners know that something in them explains their emotional and behavioral responses to life. It is clearly the definitive step toward human maturity. Responsibility ensures that we will grow up.
So we have two real choices. Either we "own" our emotional responses and our actions or we "blame them” on someone or something else. But this is not a simple choice. My honesty can put me on the road to maturity, or my rationalizing will remove me from reality. If I own my responses, I will grow up. But if I try to explain my actions and feelings by shifting responsibility to other persons or situations, I will never know my real self, and growth will be arrested.
Sometimes notice how differently people react to the very same person or situation. Take the case of an obnoxious or offensive person or situation. We might be feeling anger toward this person only to discover that a third party feels sorry for this obnoxious person. It all depends on one's perception. Obviously, if I have perceived that a person as deliberately malicious, my emotional response might well be that of anger or resentment. But if I see that obnoxious person as hurting or deprived, my reaction will probably be compassionate.
Note that in revising our perceptions or attitudes (practiced or habitual perceptions), we also revise our emotional responses. It is important to remember that perception is always at the heart of every emotion. It is that perception that will determine the nature and the intensity of the emotion. It is probably true that many of my emotions are healthy and happy. However, if my emotional patterns are self-destructive or socially alienating, I may want to look at the perceptions or attitudes that are writing my life script. This is certainly part of taking full responsibility for my life.